Freaky pre-school parents

Today at around noon, I visited a friend who works at the JCC in Manhattan. The JCC pre-school had just let out and my ears were in overdrive. This is what I overheard.

While kids and their grown-ups mingled in the hallways, a freaky parent exposed her freaky colors.

The conversation I overheard went like this.

Parent 1: Oh cool, I see your little C---- got a fashionably punky haircut. It's cool.
Parent 2: You think so?
Parent 1: Absolutely
Parent 2:Thank god you think so
Parent 1 :Where did you have it cut?
Parent 2: I cut it
Parent 1: No way, you did that?
Parent 2: Yeah, I was hammered! Too much vodka ha, ha (nervous laugh)
Parent 1: (wide eyes, fake smile, no sound coming out)
Parent 2:She was complaining about her hair, so I cut it, I was drunk and annoyed. But I woke up in the middle of the night afterward and when I realized what I did, I felt so bad. I mean look at it, god it is awful, all zig zaggy and stuff.
Parent 1: (obviously happy parent 2 is remorseful and apparently that's the go -ahead for condolence) no, dont think that way, it looks kind of cool
Parent 2: meet me downstairs in 5 minutes and I will tell you the whole story. I feel terrible about it, I dont know why I feel so bad. What should I do, wait dont tell me now, we can talk about it later! Do you think the other mothers overheard, I would hate them to think bad about me, but why would they?
(ME): Well maybe most people think badly about people who get drunk and cut their 3 year old daughters hair !

Dirty looks were shot my way, so I ducked for cover and raced down the stairs to Starbucks.

Alias Celeb sighting

Saw Melissa Suzanne George aka Lauren Reed of Alias fame tonight. She also plays a character named Deanna Schine in the Jennifer Aniston/Clive Owen movie Derailed.

She was buying a ton of sofa pillows that were marked 50% off. At least she shops for a deal, but let me tell you, her taste is atrocious.
The pillows were all old-fashioned cottage style, with tassels. HUGE TASSELS.

She was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and had the most fabulous bag, I must admit it was the bag that drew my attention, I saw the bag and was dreaming about it being mine, when she turned around and I saw her face.

These are the things I noticed about her.

- She is always sporting a serious Jolie pout on television, but in reality, she has really thin lips.

-She has a SERIOUS overbite. I mean serious! Now I know why her lips look pouty on t.v.

-Because I was standing behind her I could see her hair extentions quite clearly, they did not look good, were growing out and looked so fake ----eeuugh

-Once again, another celebrity who is seriously skinny. It took all my willpower not to offer to take her out for a sandwich. I might have to start carrying a candy bar around with me, just incase I bump another celeb. My god, with all that money, you would think they would buy themselves some pasta or something!

- The good thing about her was that the clerks kept making mistakes, they forgot a few pillows, rang up more than she bought ect. They were annoying me, but she was lovely to them the through the entire ordeal, telling them to take their time, smiling, she was so sweet, I felt like feeding her, then hugging her!

Things I acknowledged about myself today

1. My mom is my best friend

2. I Love chocolate WAY too much

3. I think my marriage is perfect

4. I need to eat healthier food

5. I should find a way to move more (walk or yoga)

6. I am a neat freak

7. I love to cook

8. I should get a job instead of always volunteering.

9. I love the movie Clueless

10. I am in total denial that Charmed is almost over

11. I love my in-laws

12. I was born to be a nurse

13. I have a Midwestern-housewife fantasy

14. I have truly great friends

15. I have a freak flag and don't wave it nearly as my much as I should

16. I wish Katie Holmes wasn't having Tom Cruises baby

17. I want to live by the water (I dont mean like now! We live a block from the Hudson River)

18. I should try more "new" things

19. I miss Africa and should try to get home more often!

20. My husband loves me for the best and the worst that I am....

All in all, I am one lucky woman!

SWANSON VS HOMEMADE

My husband came home the other day and informed me that when his co-workers asked him what he would choose to be the last meal before he dies, he answered that he would choose Swanson’s prepared corn.
I had no idea what he was talking about.
Swanson’s?
Shawn went on to tell me the corn was part of a Swanson’s prepared meal. Swanson’s fried chicken dinner to be precise.
Apparently it is 2 pieces of fried chicken, a side of mash potatoes, a bit of corn and a brownie.
I had no idea what he was talking about.
To me any tv dinner is gross.
I associate all t.v dinners with Lean Cuisine and Jenny Craig etc.
When I think of t.v dinners the following comes to mind.

-Convenience
-Fried, Greasy,mystery meats.
-One meal where all the food tastes the same
-5 mins in the microwave for soggy food,7 minutes for overcooked, dry food
-I imagine all t.v dinners to be fatty, flavorless sodium nightmares.

So, upon hearing about the content of his last meal wish, I was floored! Speechless. And that doesn't happen often to me (note to self: Maybe that's why he said it).
His mother’s pork chops? Delicious, but no, he will take the Swanson’s meal. My fabulous steak and homemade fries or Parisian chicken and lemon tweaked salad?
Apparently they didn’t make the cut.
Needless to say the knowledge of my husband's final meal haunted me, so I spent a week looking for it in the grocery stores of our neighborhood, Target's frozen foods and I finally found it at the deli around the corner.
After buying the meal, I came up with the most amazing and fun experiment.
He would make a Swanson’s dinner and I would make the exact same food from scratch.
Tonight we did just that.
At first I was not impressed with the frozen dinner. It looked flat, colorless and yucky, like something you'd give someone if they wanted to die, not something they'd want for a final meal. Then my husband popped it into the oven and half an hour later, the chicken looked edible and the mash potatoes were no longer white, they had risen and melted butter was oozing out of the top of it. The corn looked plump, bright and smelled really, really good. The brownie had risen and was bubbling and emitting the most amazing aromas.
I felt defeated.
Then I took out my own crispy fried chicken, buttery sweet corn kernels, white fluffy mash potatoes laden with salt and butter and we set them on the table.
We had a nice sample dinner, but a dinner that had a purpose.
I would discover once and for all if this meal he wanted on his deathbed was worthy and after going years without it, if he still loved it as much.
I made my husband close his eyes and I fed him a spoonful of each dish.
The object was that upon tasting a spoonful of my corn and a spoonful of Swanson’s corn, in no particular order, he would have to:
1: Try to guess which was mine and which was Swanson’s.
2. Tell me which one he liked better.

Now granted this was a lot of pressure, but we were both having fun, I tried the Swanson’s, he tried my dinner and we picked at each other’s meal the entire time.
Here are our responses.

APPEARANCE:
Louise-
I liked the way the Swanson’s meal looked after being cooked. I was quite impressed, but I liked the way my chicken looked crispier and more evenly browned. Their corn looked ok, but was sitting in a little bit of water. My corn was buttery and bright, with no excess liquid. I am ashamed to say that Swanson’s mashed potatoes looked much more appealing than mine. My potatoes were not attractive at all, uuurrggghhh they were white and slimy looking.
My brownie looked awful and small by comparison!
Shawn-
After an interrogation he admitted my meal looked better, chicken crispier, corn fresher etc, but he said his brownie won out big time! Alas my friends, he is right!

TASTE:
Louise-
I found my chicken tasted much, much better, oh my god, Swanson’s chicken was nasty. My corn won hands down! My mash was awful, theirs wins there. My brownie tasted better.
Shawn-
He said he likes the taste of Swanson’s chicken, although it referred only to the skin, he said that once you took a bit the meat looked gross. Shawn said mine tasted better. Their potatoes were better, their brownie was better and our corn…oh my god was tied!

Then after I gave him a look of defeat, he said all my food was better, and that I won!
He also went on to say he loved my food.
Aha! He can be bought with a pout and a smile!

I am typing this with a headache, I think it was the food. Or maybe just the sight of that chicken.
Oh god, if I had to eat another Swanson’s meal, I think I could become a vegetarian.

Catherine Zeta Jones Sighting

WHO: Miss Catherine Zeta Jones, in the flesh!

WHERE: A knitting store located on Manhattans Upper West Side

WHEN: A Sunday 2 weeks ago around 1pm

WHAT: She was wearing jeans, a black pumpkin hat and a fabulous coat. I think it was lamb.

WHY: She was looking for wool and patterns, yes this girl knits, another reason to love her.

SUMMARY: I was doing my usual Sunday stuff. I had met my friend for breakfast at 9am at French Roast, we gabbed and drank coffee till 11am and then wondered over to our favorite knitting store where we shop, knit and hang out in the back room with a few other regulars and the owner. I spend my time chatting with the girls, knitting, sharing techniques, ironing my projects and flipping from the back to the front of the store. While on one of my excursions to the front of the store to get some help winding up my ball of yarn I hear the most fabulous accent. Usually I am the only one with an accent, so my ears perk up. My friend Kiera comes running over to tell me Catherine is in the store looking at a crochet blanket. I tried to contain my excitement and held back on taking a photo and sending it to my husbands work ( a gossip mag) and I swaggered coyly over to the other side of the store to get a good look at her. I had to sum her up, I mean she is usually like a goddess.

I see Celebs allot, but never her!
Here is what I saw and learned about Catherine Zeta-Jones my friends:

1. She is short, shorter than she appears on film. I think somewhere in the 5 ft3, 5 ft4 range, because she did not appear taller than me.

2. She is sooo skinny

3. Her hair is thin and not as full looking as on film

4. She looks nothing like she does in the movies, in fact the other girls were outraged at the condition of her skin.
Yes I saw a few browning spots, but I didn't think she looked too bad. Some of the others thought she was quite average looking.

5. Her teeth look fake.

6. She has the most beautiful lips.

7. Her voice is exactly as you think it will be. PERFECT!

8. She is nice and friendly. She gabbed away and was super sweet.

9. She bought grey wool with a shine in it to knit a wide, loose stitched scarf for herself. She asked if casting on 50 stiches would be enough.

10 Some of thegirls gossipped about the fact that she looked so old and that she was sooo lying about her age. They swear she is in her 40's and that if you look back on her early films you can tell she has been around a while.

11. She knits people, she knits and I love her!

P.S. My friends and the strangers in the store were so excited at how normal she was, I felt sorry for her, they actually loved that she was not pretty, was short and had bad skin. As a public, woman can be so mean, just to bring the stars down to their level, I am sorry to say it did give me some gratification too, knowing she was plain looking.
But she was fantastically nice.

Wisdom Ache

I had a wisdom tooth removed yesterday.
OUCH!
But I get to eat ice-cream..as much as I want.
And I do!
Loving my time off from work. Getting some much needed rest, doing some much needed cleaning and enjoying the painkillers while they last!

White Plains # 1 - Off to a bad start

Yesterday morning my husband Shawn and I had to go to White Plains NY. Shawn had been asked to do a television interview about his book there and we decided that if we were going to go all the way to another part of NY state, we would make a day of it and do some exploring.
I spent a day searching the net to find some spots of interest, a coffee shop, a saloon pub for lunch and an ice-cream parlor for some yummy Coldstone ice-cream!

Ok, so White Plains is only about half an hour away from Manhattan, but you have to take two long distance trains to get there, so in our book, two trains that are not the subway equals a day trip. I was actually quite excited - I am ridiculously similar to a dog in heat that way - I get excited over almost anything. I plan the entire day, with pit stops, points of interest, restaurants, coffee shops, maps of the town and notes on everything imaginable. I plan ahead for everything. I make sure to have a coin purse with quarters, enough cash and my charged cell phone. That way I can be excited instead of worried about the possibility of getting lost with no hope of rescue. It might be the nanny in me.
I was so excited I couldn't wait for our day in White Plains.
But what started out as an exciting adventure, ended with us lost in the Bronx at nightfall.
Let me start at the beginning, the night before our trek.

Shawn arrived home from work at a little before midnight on Monday night. His hair was hanging way over his eyes and I was going to give him a midnight haircut so he would look fabulous for the television interview the next day. I did some cutting and a little shaving and Shawn did some sitting and a lot of whining, ouching and moaning. My shears were blunt and the poor tired boy had to sit through a haircut that pulled and tugged at his hair. When all was said and done, he looked quite dashing if I must say so myself.

It was about 1:30 a.m. after we had finished cleaning up the stray hairs from our dining room floor when he jumped into the shower. He was exhausted after a long day's work and I on the other hand was buzzed and ready to play. Being on vacation does that to me. I start sleeping 3 hours a night and celebrating every waking hour by doing things around the house that I never manage to do because I am never home. I take pleasure in mopping our hardwood floor and scrubbing our tub. I order take out food at 11pm and eat ice-cream way into the morning hours.

After his shower Shawn tried to whoo me into bed at about 2am, because we would have to be up at 7 in the morning, but I was having none of it. I was awake, on vacation and in little want or need of sleep. I eventually talked him into going to bed first with the promise that I would be in bed soon.
What does "soon" mean exactly? I was ready to pull off an all-nighter and not get any sleep at all....I thought that if I could just last 4 more hours I would be up for the day and we could go straight to White Plains and start having the fun I had planned for us out there. Me need sleep? No way, not on vacation!
So at 2:30 a.m. I started to sweep our apartment, polish some wood, dust the computer, etc. All was going well, until at 3:45 am when I accidentally dropped the broom and with a loud thud I knew it was over. Shawn came whirling into the living room, eyes a-blazing and a look of horror on his face.
"What is going on here?" he demanded through groggy eyes.
"Nothing" I stammered, "I am coming to bed now, I just dozed off on the sofa."
Great, now I am lying to my husband about getting some sleep.

Shawn dragged me into bed and demanded that I get some sleep and stop my antics. He informed me that I had gotten 3 hours sleep in the past 24 hours while celebrating my time off from work and that I needed to get some sleep before our trip because my lack of sleep was making me, in his words, loopy. 3 hours sleep in the past 24?, what? No way, it was more like 4 hours because I took a little nap in the afternoon.

So I lay there in bed, trying to sleep, but the guilt of my lie about dozing off on the sofa was eating away at me. This is probably a good time to inform you that my husband and I have a strict no lying policy. No matter how small the fib or lie, you have to come clean in 2 minutes. If you are unable to come clean in the 2 minutes you have to come up with a jolly good reason.
Our rule works well and has resulted in not only an honest relationship, but an extremely ridiculous love affair laden with fibs and confessions. The best part is that when telling the truth the other has to accept it and either move on or help deal with its ludicrousness.
We came up with it together because we really wanted an honest partnership and wanted to be sure that we would always communicate our woes. When I ask how he is feeling he has to tell me. When he asks where I have been I have to tell him, even though, as he says, most of the times the answer to that question is the bathroom, bedroom or kitchen. Alas, no more bar hopping and clubbing for me.

You get the gist of it right? No lies.
Now we do have some ways of getting out of immediate confrontation. We have a 2-minute-rule policy, where you can fib, but within two minutes you have to tell the other person the truth and the best part is, is that the other person can't get mad at you.

We also have a "duped" clause where because we can't lie in our marriage we can dupe each other and create crazy lies that are proven wrong straight away. Now this might seem silly to most couples, but to us, it creates chaos, joy and tons of laughter. Like when I let out a yelp and a scream in the kitchen and ran into the bedroom and threw my scared self into his arms and informed him that we had caught a big rat with a long tail in our mouse trap instead of a mouse. I held out for a few minutes. He was mortified - he fears nothing like he fears rats - and I won! The best dupes are laden with theatrics.

The trick is to be able to convince the other that your lie is the truth, you have to choose a sorta real situation and then be able to pull the wool over the other's yes. If you do, you become the champ for hours. If you don't and the other can't be duped then they win and, well, lets just say, its no fun!

Anyway, so I am laying in bed thinking, there is like 30 seconds to go before my 2-minute-rule clause runs out. So I spew out the truth:
"Honey? you awake? I lied, I didn't fall asleep on the sofa, I was sweeping the floor and didn't want you to think I was crazy for doing it at 3:30am."
SILENCE........
"Honey?" I say.
My god he was already sleeping, so I bump him awake.
"I lied" I whined.
"I know honey, you are not fooling anyone with these night antics," he says. "Now get some sleep."

So I lay there, waiting for the sand man, I look at the clock it is 4 a.m., oh my god, I am awake, I have to pretend to get some sleep, if I can just close my eyes and do some daydreaming about tomorrow's activities, maybe time will pass.
I close my eyes and almost immediately the alarm goes off. I look up at the clock and see that it is 7am.
7am!
I couldn't believe it.
So I crawled out of bed like the living dead, but then reminded myself that I was on vacation to lift my spirits and I pranced into the bathroom to run myself a nice warm shower.
The water was freezing cold.
I checked the other taps and discovered that all the water was freezing cold.
We had no hot water! This has happened three or four other times to us in this apartment, one of them being on the day of our wedding! Fortunately it happened after I had showered and Shawn was able to shower at his parents' hotel. On this day, though, nothing could bail us out.

I ran into the bedroom to tell my husband and he jumps out of bed, his hair was standing up all over the place and as I watched him stumbling over to the bathroom, I realized that we were going to have to go to the television studio without taking a shower and on 3 hours sleep. I convinced him to just stick his hair under the cold shower and he did so while emitting a scream that resembles a dying animal.

I added a little gel to his hair, we slathered on as much underarm deodorant as we could, we got dressed and began to venture over to the metro train station which is across the Broadway Bridge in the Bronx. (about a 5 minute walk)

We pop into our diner downstairs for a coffee before crossing the bridge and we realize we have left the directions to the studio at home.

This day did not start out well.

Shawn runs back for the directions and I start making my way over the bridge, we meet up just as I get to the station. What can I say, he is 6ft 4 and has super long legs, me, I am slower than most turtles, at 5ft 3, well, lets just say I am a few inches away from being a "little person".

At the ticket machine we encountered another problem, there were no tickets to White Plains, only to Harlem, where we would have to transfer and hop onto another train heading to White Plains.

2 round-trip tickets to Harlem cost $25 bucks, weird when it usually only costs us $2 on a subway. It seemed we would have to buy twice as many tickets for the same distance instead of one set of tickets to one place. So instead of paying the usual $25 we would have had to pay $50. Shawn refuses to buy more than 2 roundtrip tickets to Harlem. He was convinced we would only have to buy the round-trip tickets to Harlem and it would include a transfer to White Plains. I objected and insisted that if it doesn't say White Plains on the ticket we wont be able to use it. The train arrives and interrupts our debate, so we hop aboard with 2 return tickets to Harlem and hope it will get us to White Plains. We arrived in Harlem less than 10 minutes later. There after climbing down and up 3 or 4 flights of stairs, we transferred to a White Plains train and Shawn slowly began to realize that we might need another ticket, unless....................

As my husband sits silently next to me, staring out the window as if he doesn't know what's going on, I use my accent and South African charms to talk to the conductor and convince him I am foreign, lost and confused. This is not a lie at all, but truer than I want to believe. This works more often than you think it would, and more often than it probably should.
I spew my story and he lets us ride to White Plains for free but tells us that we do have to buy another ticket even though it is the system that has basically duped us into needing two tickets at twice the price for a ride to one place. Being duped by the MTA is not as much fun as being duped by my husband.

We arrived in White Plains in one piece and walked to a nearby coffee shop, which was on our itinerary. We took a short break and I guzzled down a caffeine laden coffee, Shawn did some reading and I paged through my notes on where we were going and what we were going to be doing the rest of the day.

We wandered around trying to use the map to find the studio and eventually after Shawn asked for directions we ended up in the right place at 5 minutes to our scheduled 10am time slot.
Whew, just made it.

The interview went well, I was able to sit inside the studio and watch, it was fun, 27 minutes of my husband talking about his book, his life etc. Then he mentions me....Of course, I was beaming with pride!

After the interview we wandered around the town - pretty, nice, low traffic and you never have to wait in line for anything. I saw 99c stores and tried not to go in, because there are 99c stores all over Manhattan, but then I saw some art projects for the kids I could not leave behind.
We spotted an Applebees and had to fight the urge to go in. After all, we did not go all the way to White Plains to have lunch at an Applebees when we eat there all the time. It's ridiculous enough that we were as excited about visiting White Plains as millions of tourists are about visiting New York City.

We eventually stumbled into a little pub-like saloon for lunch.
It was completely empty and we loved not having to wait for a table. The food was ok, not the best, but the quiet atmosphere and clean bathrooms made up for it.
During lunch we discussed the latest movies we want to see sometime in the city, thank you for smoking, V for Vendetta and a few others came up. Going to the movies in Manhattan is such a chore, not only is everything so expensive, but it is so crowded that you always have someone behind you, in front of you and next to you. Someone is usually eating Chinese food they snuck in or farting egg-smelling gas in your direction knowing that you have no escape from the smell. If you don't make it to the theatre half an hour early you also end up sitting front and centre and usually sit like you are laying down in order to watch the movie. Then on your way home you see things in double vision because you were so close to the screen. For that reason we either wait for most things to come onto Netflix, or we see the movie well into its run and pray that we miss the crowds.
That was when Shawn had a brilliant idea. Why not go see V-for Vendetta at the movie theatre in White Plains. We know it was one of the best selling movie seats in town this past weekend and that means every seat in Manhattan theatres will be filled. ahah! It was an ingenious idea.
We ran over to the movie theatre, paid $7 for a ticket as opposed to NYC's $11 and found our way into a gigantic theatre, with huge leather seats and 3 other people in it.
I was so happy I almost peed myself with joy.

We took our seats, they even reclined and we sat and watched the movie in peace and quite with nobody around.
It was the best movie date I have ever been on. I would go all the way to White Plains again, just to see a movie in that theatre.
That movie experience made our trip to White Plains worth while.

We left smiling and joyful, and after a stop for some ice cream, we were ready for our quick train ride home.

The smiles did not last long.........................


coming soon: White Plain #2 - Lost in the Bronx

The end of an era

I am about to inform you of my guilty pleasures.
I am almost a little embarrassed to say....
I love Sunday night T.V.

I hardly watch the telly, but Sunday night, from 8pm-11pm, I am glued to the t.v while folding laundry and eating chicken wings with blue cheese dressing that my husband Shawn orders from Dominos.

My Sunday nights go something like this.....

8pm Charmed on the WB - I know, I know - I cant explain it, but I love it!
9pm Desperate Housewives on ABC - I like it, but I wouldn't complain if it got cancelled.
10pm Greys Anatomy on ABC - My new addiction! I look forward to it all weekend.

Now just know this, I plan my entire weekend around keeping this time slot ( 8pm-11pm) free. I make no plans and when I do, it is accidental and I end up whining to my husband the entire time. In event of this, he makes sure we are home before 8pm and the wings are ordered for dinner.

My husband usually has to scamper to the other side of the apartment, but once in a while, after checking to see that the coast is clear (during commercials), he will make an appearance to say hi. We have learned that we cannot speak to each other too near the end of any of those three mentioned hours...Heaven forbid I miss the conclusion of any of my shows.

My Sunday routine has been this way for almost 2 years and now, my friends, I fear it is coming to an end.

I just received the bad news that one of my television addictions is being cancelled.
Charmed, the witchy television series is coming to an end. No more Paige, no more Piper, no more Phoebe, no more...Leo.

Why oh why?

Well, apparently the WB and UPN are joining forces to become one channel and Charmed was a casualty of their marriage. Does this new network have so much great new programming planned that they can yank this out from under me?
Like most marriages, something had to be sacrificed. In my marriage it was my husband's sanity. How he puts up with me, I don't know!

My Sunday night rituals are in for a big change. And now, all I can do is prepare myself for the end of the season. the change of an era.

I will remain an avid fan until the end! The only good news, I guess, is that, sort of like Law and Order, Charmed reruns can usually be found three hours every day.

The end comes too soon for us all!
Brace yourself people, brace yourself!

Other children's mothers.... Pushing my buttons!

When is it ok to reprimand other people's children?
Not your charges, not your kids, but other people's children?
Is it ever ok?

I found myself doing it today!

I picked up my charge from pre-school this afternoon.....She was a bundle of joy as usual. Monday afternoons are always exciting for the two of us, because we haven't seen each other all weekend. I look through the crowd of mothers and nannies all waiting to gather up their children and charges and I see her little head seeking me out in the crowd. The moment our eyes meet we always end up emitting squeals and chuckles.
It is amazing, the heart's capacity to love. The actuality that you are capable of loving children who are not your own.... To love another little human being is one of the greatest loves I have ever known.

So, we gathered up her belongings and headed to the stairs that lead down to the exit.
While carefully navigating down the stairs I see my charge bounce forward.
This was unusual, because she is always so careful on the stairs, she holds the rail, takes one step at a time and makes sure to watch where she is going. I hold her hand for extra security or I walk one step ahead of her, so that I will be there to catch her in the event of a fall. The crowd of grown-ups and children was growing and people were getting very close to us and again I saw her almost fall down a step.

I step in front of her for the added safety and I look back and see this little
3-year-old-boy hopping down the stairs behind her and pushing her forward. His mother was out of my eye range, probably chatting away with her friends, while her
3-year-old tried desperatly to find his way down two flights of stairs.

I can always tell the mothers from the nannies, some of the mothers are always huddled together or walking in groups of 3 while their kids roam around trying to make their way. The good nannies, not all, but most, are holding onto the children, asking them about their day, talking to them about lunch options and the possibility of their mom being home when they get there. Okay okay, I know that mothers are attentive too, but not the one I am about to expose!

This 3-year-old boy was wandering down the stairs alone. Maybe 3 people in front of his mother.
pushing
hopping
pushing
I look up and see who seems to be, and later proves to be, his mother talking to another person. I tried to make eye-contact with her and to get her attention by raising my voice and saying "excuse me!" But she doesn't hear me and keeps talking.

I hold firmly to my charge's little hand and when she is pushed forward and loses her balance on a stair, I catch her and while steadying her I felt forced to look him in the eyes, trying to be firm but at the same moment kind and I say, "Don't push her! It is not ok to push her on the stairs!"

The mother finally stops dawdling and chatting and all of a sudden takes notice. She swoops her son up, asking him in a sweet voice, while caressing his hair and looking at me sideways..."Did you push her?"

"I didn't see..." she mumbles as if the fact that she didn't see makes it ok.

Was that for him to hear, for me to hear or was that her conscience talking?

Who are you talking to? Me or him.

Of course you didn't see him, you were chatting to your friends. At this point I am looking at her.
She looks at me, did he push her she asks?

"No" says the sarcastic voice in my head. "I just reprimanded him because I felt like it." But instead I say "Yes, he pushed her twice and you were not dealing with it, so I had to."

"I am sorry, I didn't see" she mumbles.

"That's ok," I find myself saying, "I had to deal with it, I don't want her falling down the stairs because your child didn't know he wasn't supposed to push other children in front of him."
At this point the other nannies are giving me the eye. One nanny winks at me and mouths, "You tell her!"

She scoops him up and asks him, "Did you push her?" The child says nothing. "Mommy didn't see, did you push her?" she repeats.

Mothers and and caregivers who take no notice of their children and then when something negative happens, they pretend nothing has happened, really get to me!

The children have been at school all morning. The parents usually show up in gym wear or an outfit so fancy the fur practically growls at you when you walk by. A fur that almost shouts out, "No dirty hands!" They spend their mornings doing their own thing and then when it is time to see their kids, they use that time to chat to all the other mothers. Heaven forbid a nanny takes her eyes of her charge for a minute - It sure gets all the mothers talking!!

All adults taking care of children need to pay attention. Especially on the stairs where they can get hurt and if not told, they could cause an accident for someone else.

My charge and I move on...One step at a time until we exit.

My charge looks up at me and tells me she was just walking, looking where she was going, he was pushing her. She almost fell, she states with worry in her eyes.
I know I say, but its ok, I am here, I am your grown up and I wont let anything happen to you.
"I almost fell Louise," she repeats, "and you told him not to push me."

She smiled at me and I could see she felt safe and taken care of.
At that moment all the doubt I was feeling about reprimanding someone else's child while taking care of her vanished.

It is after all my job to make sure she is safe.
It is my job to let her know that I have her back! I have her. She is safe and nobody can push her for any reason.

We make it to the outside and walk past a crying girl.
I see the same mother reprimanding her son. Yelling at him, scolding him.
It appears that once he got outside, he pushed another girl.
She fell and hurt herself and was in tears.

His mother waited till that moment. A moment when he hurt someone to take action. And it was action that left him crying too.
I find this unnecessary. Why did she not explain to him about pushing when he did it the first time? Instead of asking in a soft voice about his actions and not dealing with them earlier on the stairs?

I used to have a hard time with this. I didn't want to interfere with other children and their behavior issues. Often it is not the child's fault, but the grown-ups. How are children supposed to know how to behave if we do not teach them? It is up to us, their adult, to make sure they understand the consequences of their actions.
Before it becomes an accident or a disaster, we should be there to help them navigate their world.

And we could all save ourselves a lot of trouble if we deal with things as they happen in a clear manner instead of waiting for a larger-scale incident to take action.

I felt bad for that little boy.

He is confused. I am sure he was wondering why all of a sudden he was getting into trouble?
Does it take causing someone pain and tears to get his mother to take note?

The situation went from being about safety on the stairs and the common decency of not pushing someone else, to being about making someone cry.

My charge spoke of the way I handled the little boy for most of the day and I kept reassuring her that I would do it again. That I would always keep her safe.
I also took the time to explain to her why we don't push people and that if she had been the one pushing, that I would have had to have a stern talking to her as well as have insisted on her apologizing to her victim.

I wonder too if I should have just picked her up and carried her down the stairs instead of firmly talking to that little boy, but at the same time I am glad that she knows I will stand up for her.

Now, time to stand up for myself and make sure I get a good night sleep.

My friend Jen got me thinking...

...and moving.

I just got off the phone with my friend Jen.
Jen is a lovely American girl, who nannies part-time and is in the final process of becoming a certified social worker. Jen is not only nice, she is also hilariously funny. She is such a riot!

Let me give you an example.
I answer my phone with the usual "hello?" and without even saying hi or identifying herself, she starts the conversation like this............
"Girlfriend, its called sugar free, fat free hot fudge! I mixed it with some diet ice pops and I have been pooping all night. I am lying here in bed and my stomach is talking back to me."

That's the thing you love instantly about Jen, not only does she get right to the point, but she does it in such a way that you are laughing uncontrollably before her third sentence.
Jen has been on a successful diet for ages now and she is looking HOT.
We spent half an hour laughing and gasping at the chaos that is Manhattan. My conversation with Jen, got me thinking ...about exercise, dieting and the gym dilemma in Manhattan.

I have found Manhattan to be a place where you can't walk two blocks without seeing someone in gym sweats either heading to one of the many gyms or heading home after a strenuous workout.

Take Valentines Day for example.

I was due to meet my husband at 7 p.m. for a romantic dinner where we were going to exchange gifts, except, I hadn't got him one yet.
I know, I know, I feel terrible about it.

You know how Valentines Day goes. It comes so soon after the holidays that after the exhausting season that is December and January, you are all out of gift ideas. Well I was anyway.

So I left work at 6 p.m. and raced down the block to Broadway. I ran into Circuit City and found a few DVD's and stuff my husband would love and headed out to the curb to hail a cab. After 15 minutes of standing out in the cold, my hand outstretched and a look of plea on my face, I gave up trying to wave down a taxi and just stood there. I found myself looking into oblivion, trying not to stress out about the fact that because of my lack of Valentines Day preparation, my poor husband was going to be waiting for me in a crowded restaurant. His arms probably loaded with gifts and flowers, all alone on Valentines Day and I was still stuck on Broadway trying to get a ride to the restaurant.

Anyway, so I am in complete denial about the time, trying to block out the fact that I just pushed over some poor man to get to the other side of the street when I look up and see about 20 people running on treadmills.
It's a sight I see all the time, I walk past this exact gym everyday and there is always a line of sexy-looking people working up a sweat.... All facing the street, panting like they can't see you and so involved in burning calories that they dont seem to care that you can see them.
This is one of the many gyms found on the corners of busy Manhattan streets, with glass walls so chubby passersby can see in.
Voyeurism at its best. Or worst!

I think it's a blatant advertising gimmick that says ..."look, these people are working out, you could look like this if you joined this gym NOW!"
This was visual propaganda if ever I have seen it.

So I tucked my coat over my large breasts and sucked in my ever-expanding tummy and all of a sudden began to laugh hysterically.
I could not get the image of the hamsters I had as a child out of my mind.
These people were literally hamster-like.
They might as well have been running inside a hamster-wheel.

WHY WHY WHY??????
Forget about the health part.......
Why were they there? Why do they look so angry and why is my first reaction to take the necessary steps, spend a few thouand dollars I don't have and head on my way to doing my damndest to become one of them?

I sometimes feel like Manhattan's pressure is not just about being thin and healthy. We all want to be healthy in some way, whether we admit it or not. I for one could definitly stand to lose a few pounds, but the people I know and see here in NYC, all seem to want to look like they are on their way to a gym (even if they are not), just come from a gym or are all card carrying members with such busy lives that they never have time to go to their fabulous gyms.
People seem to carry their $3000 membership cards like we did hall passes in junior high.
I must admit that I have been sucked into this, time and time again.

There is a definite status attached to which gym you can afford to go to, what expensive apparel you can afford to wear to these exclusive gyms and how much you paid for the outfit you are going to sweat into at the gym.

Don't forget, you have to actually look good enough to go to the gym, because you might have to be running on a treadmill, front and center, in a window-walled gym on Broadway.
The pressure is so much, that after you pay for your membership you might actually never go for fear of having to be in the front-lines of a popular gym in a city that never sleeps.
There are actually gyms in Manhattan that are open 24 hours a day. Can you imagine that? Who exercises at 3 a.m.?

Why are we not spending the extra 40 minutes it might take to workout and spending it outside by walking to work? (yes, I am talking to me!)
Has the outside world become so bad, or are we just so lazy, that we don't make use of our surroundings anymore? Understandably, when it's cold our options are more limited, I like to think that the gym is an OK place then, but I have walked past these gyms in the summer and they are even more crowded.

Jen, the friend I mentioned earlier, doesn't do yoga or belong to a gym. She has started walking across Central Park to get to work....even when it's cold. It can sometimes take her an hour, but she walks to work and walks home. This cool chick has lost almost 18 pounds over the past few months and she is looking fabulous.

Now don't get me wrong, I have seen people walking in Central Park, jogging and such, but why are gyms now multi-million dollar franchises?
It seems to have become like some weird science experiment.
Well, I am going to start an experiment of my own.

I am going to let go of my new years resolution to join a gym.
I make the same 2 resolutions every year.
1. Join a gym (1 year membership)
2. go to the Gym(for one year)

I usually join a gym and never go, but I end up paying for it the entire year.
Not this year.
No way!
No more wanna-be hamster running for me. No more sweating it up with a hundred other people and praying I don't get athletes foot while showering in a communal bathroom and trying to avoid making eye-contact with the anorexic looking woman parading herself around the gym.

OK, so I have only gone to the gym like 4 times, but I am not going to go at all now.

On most occasions, I would feel excited and motivated by looking in the gym windows at all the beautiful skinny manhattanites running and sweating in unison. But I didn't this time.
I felt sorry for them. There they were, running on a treadmill at 7 p.m. on Valentines Day.

What has happened to us as a people?
Man invented the treadmill!
When did the gym become the most popular place people go to work out?
Is it just me, or are we all so used to having things done for us, so much so, that we can't go out into the world and take advantage of our natural surroundings?

To cut a long story short, I made a few new New Years resolution on Valentines Day.
1. To be prepared for V-Day next year ( maybe I should buy a gift now, wrap it and store it for this time next year. Not a bad idea)
2.To take public transport instead of cabbing my lazy ass all over Manhattan. This means I will walk to and from the subway, and walk the extra few blocks to get to my destination, because public transport routes aren't always the most convenient.
3. NOT TO JOIN A GYM.
4. To excercise in my natural surroundings.
5. To take the stairs to and from my appartment....oh this will be hard, the 12 flights it takes to get to my apartment on the 6th floor are exhausting...but I will do it!

In light of all that, I went sledding a few days ago in Central Park (when the 30 inches of snow was still actually on the ground!).
Boy oh boy, what a workout. It is amazing what a good workout you can get traipsing up and down a hill covered in snow, carrying a sled and a 3 year old and simultaneously dragging yourself upward and onward. We spent 2 fabulous hours freezing and sweating and panting and laughing outdoors, in the snow.

We had a blast. It was the best workout ever. It was all outdoors and we didn't have to pay a cent to take advantage of it!

Today I walked down 12 flights of stairs (maybe in a few days I'll start walking up them too!)and walked a few blocks to work from the subway, but tomorrow, who knows, I might do something crazy, ...like walk a few more!