Monday, April 24, 2006

Freaky pre-school parents

Today at around noon, I visited a friend who works at the JCC in Manhattan. The JCC pre-school had just let out and my ears were in overdrive. This is what I overheard.

While kids and their grown-ups mingled in the hallways, a freaky parent exposed her freaky colors.

The conversation I overheard went like this.

Parent 1: Oh cool, I see your little C---- got a fashionably punky haircut. It's cool.
Parent 2: You think so?
Parent 1: Absolutely
Parent 2:Thank god you think so
Parent 1 :Where did you have it cut?
Parent 2: I cut it
Parent 1: No way, you did that?
Parent 2: Yeah, I was hammered! Too much vodka ha, ha (nervous laugh)
Parent 1: (wide eyes, fake smile, no sound coming out)
Parent 2:She was complaining about her hair, so I cut it, I was drunk and annoyed. But I woke up in the middle of the night afterward and when I realized what I did, I felt so bad. I mean look at it, god it is awful, all zig zaggy and stuff.
Parent 1: (obviously happy parent 2 is remorseful and apparently that's the go -ahead for condolence) no, dont think that way, it looks kind of cool
Parent 2: meet me downstairs in 5 minutes and I will tell you the whole story. I feel terrible about it, I dont know why I feel so bad. What should I do, wait dont tell me now, we can talk about it later! Do you think the other mothers overheard, I would hate them to think bad about me, but why would they?
(ME): Well maybe most people think badly about people who get drunk and cut their 3 year old daughters hair !

Dirty looks were shot my way, so I ducked for cover and raced down the stairs to Starbucks.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Alias Celeb sighting

Saw Melissa Suzanne George aka Lauren Reed of Alias fame tonight. She also plays a character named Deanna Schine in the Jennifer Aniston/Clive Owen movie Derailed.

She was buying a ton of sofa pillows that were marked 50% off. At least she shops for a deal, but let me tell you, her taste is atrocious.
The pillows were all old-fashioned cottage style, with tassels. HUGE TASSELS.

She was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and had the most fabulous bag, I must admit it was the bag that drew my attention, I saw the bag and was dreaming about it being mine, when she turned around and I saw her face.

These are the things I noticed about her.

- She is always sporting a serious Jolie pout on television, but in reality, she has really thin lips.

-She has a SERIOUS overbite. I mean serious! Now I know why her lips look pouty on t.v.

-Because I was standing behind her I could see her hair extentions quite clearly, they did not look good, were growing out and looked so fake ----eeuugh

-Once again, another celebrity who is seriously skinny. It took all my willpower not to offer to take her out for a sandwich. I might have to start carrying a candy bar around with me, just incase I bump another celeb. My god, with all that money, you would think they would buy themselves some pasta or something!

- The good thing about her was that the clerks kept making mistakes, they forgot a few pillows, rang up more than she bought ect. They were annoying me, but she was lovely to them the through the entire ordeal, telling them to take their time, smiling, she was so sweet, I felt like feeding her, then hugging her!

Friday, April 07, 2006

Things I acknowledged about myself today

1. My mom is my best friend

2. I Love chocolate WAY too much

3. I think my marriage is perfect

4. I need to eat healthier food

5. I should find a way to move more (walk or yoga)

6. I am a neat freak

7. I love to cook

8. I should get a job instead of always volunteering.

9. I love the movie Clueless

10. I am in total denial that Charmed is almost over

11. I love my in-laws

12. I was born to be a nurse

13. I have a Midwestern-housewife fantasy

14. I have truly great friends

15. I have a freak flag and don't wave it nearly as my much as I should

16. I wish Katie Holmes wasn't having Tom Cruises baby

17. I want to live by the water (I dont mean like now! We live a block from the Hudson River)

18. I should try more "new" things

19. I miss Africa and should try to get home more often!

20. My husband loves me for the best and the worst that I am....

All in all, I am one lucky woman!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


My husband came home the other day and informed me that when his co-workers asked him what he would choose to be the last meal before he dies, he answered that he would choose Swanson’s prepared corn.
I had no idea what he was talking about.
Shawn went on to tell me the corn was part of a Swanson’s prepared meal. Swanson’s fried chicken dinner to be precise.
Apparently it is 2 pieces of fried chicken, a side of mash potatoes, a bit of corn and a brownie.
I had no idea what he was talking about.
To me any tv dinner is gross.
I associate all t.v dinners with Lean Cuisine and Jenny Craig etc.
When I think of t.v dinners the following comes to mind.

-Fried, Greasy,mystery meats.
-One meal where all the food tastes the same
-5 mins in the microwave for soggy food,7 minutes for overcooked, dry food
-I imagine all t.v dinners to be fatty, flavorless sodium nightmares.

So, upon hearing about the content of his last meal wish, I was floored! Speechless. And that doesn't happen often to me (note to self: Maybe that's why he said it).
His mother’s pork chops? Delicious, but no, he will take the Swanson’s meal. My fabulous steak and homemade fries or Parisian chicken and lemon tweaked salad?
Apparently they didn’t make the cut.
Needless to say the knowledge of my husband's final meal haunted me, so I spent a week looking for it in the grocery stores of our neighborhood, Target's frozen foods and I finally found it at the deli around the corner.
After buying the meal, I came up with the most amazing and fun experiment.
He would make a Swanson’s dinner and I would make the exact same food from scratch.
Tonight we did just that.
At first I was not impressed with the frozen dinner. It looked flat, colorless and yucky, like something you'd give someone if they wanted to die, not something they'd want for a final meal. Then my husband popped it into the oven and half an hour later, the chicken looked edible and the mash potatoes were no longer white, they had risen and melted butter was oozing out of the top of it. The corn looked plump, bright and smelled really, really good. The brownie had risen and was bubbling and emitting the most amazing aromas.
I felt defeated.
Then I took out my own crispy fried chicken, buttery sweet corn kernels, white fluffy mash potatoes laden with salt and butter and we set them on the table.
We had a nice sample dinner, but a dinner that had a purpose.
I would discover once and for all if this meal he wanted on his deathbed was worthy and after going years without it, if he still loved it as much.
I made my husband close his eyes and I fed him a spoonful of each dish.
The object was that upon tasting a spoonful of my corn and a spoonful of Swanson’s corn, in no particular order, he would have to:
1: Try to guess which was mine and which was Swanson’s.
2. Tell me which one he liked better.

Now granted this was a lot of pressure, but we were both having fun, I tried the Swanson’s, he tried my dinner and we picked at each other’s meal the entire time.
Here are our responses.


I liked the way the Swanson’s meal looked after being cooked. I was quite impressed, but I liked the way my chicken looked crispier and more evenly browned. Their corn looked ok, but was sitting in a little bit of water. My corn was buttery and bright, with no excess liquid. I am ashamed to say that Swanson’s mashed potatoes looked much more appealing than mine. My potatoes were not attractive at all, uuurrggghhh they were white and slimy looking.
My brownie looked awful and small by comparison!
After an interrogation he admitted my meal looked better, chicken crispier, corn fresher etc, but he said his brownie won out big time! Alas my friends, he is right!

I found my chicken tasted much, much better, oh my god, Swanson’s chicken was nasty. My corn won hands down! My mash was awful, theirs wins there. My brownie tasted better.
He said he likes the taste of Swanson’s chicken, although it referred only to the skin, he said that once you took a bit the meat looked gross. Shawn said mine tasted better. Their potatoes were better, their brownie was better and our corn…oh my god was tied!

Then after I gave him a look of defeat, he said all my food was better, and that I won!
He also went on to say he loved my food.
Aha! He can be bought with a pout and a smile!

I am typing this with a headache, I think it was the food. Or maybe just the sight of that chicken.
Oh god, if I had to eat another Swanson’s meal, I think I could become a vegetarian.